Me to the steak: Hi, how are you?

Steak: Am piping hot, fat and salted.

Me: Oooh I can see that, congratulations.

Steak: Let me guess, you want a piece of me.

Me: (light laughter) actually I want the whole of you.

Steak: (Pulls saliva like an angry Nigerian woman)

What happened to you living off blended juices and matharu? (Sukuma-wiki)

Me: Aaaaaaw, you noticed! cute.

Steak: (Eye roll) Please answer the question.

Me: Well, it was only good on paper. In reality it was a trail of hunger and desolation.

After which I realized was better off with you. Happy?

Steak: Plus you couldn’t afford me.

Me: If you insist.

Also the good book says there is time for everything, a time to dine on matharu, and a             time to dine in on ndengu.

Steak: (Wide eyed) you mean ndengu and matharu are mentioned in the bible?

Me: No, am paraphrasing.

Steak: You know there is a song that comes to mind, but since you are sounding spiritual

I doubt you will relate.

Me: Is it, ‘want you’ by Pit-bull?

Steak: (Dances around for a minute, while singing; I know you want me)

Wait! How do you know that song??

Ooh you are such a sinner!

Me: Tiga wana.

Steak: (Chortles)

Me: That’s a gospel song and you can’t say shit about it.

Steak: Ummh, u said shit, isn’t that like a sin?

Me: For a piece of steak, you talk too much.


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