Me to the steak: Hi, how are you?
Steak: Am piping hot, fat and salted.
Me: Oooh I can see that, congratulations.
Steak: Let me guess, you want a piece of me.
Me: (light laughter) actually I want the whole of you.
Steak: (Pulls saliva like an angry Nigerian woman)
What happened to you living off blended juices and matharu? (Sukuma-wiki)
Me: Aaaaaaw, you noticed! cute.
Steak: (Eye roll) Please answer the question.
Me: Well, it was only good on paper. In reality it was a trail of hunger and desolation.
After which I realized was better off with you. Happy?
Steak: Plus you couldn’t afford me.
Me: If you insist.
Also the good book says there is time for everything, a time to dine on matharu, and a time to dine in on ndengu.
Steak: (Wide eyed) you mean ndengu and matharu are mentioned in the bible?
Me: No, am paraphrasing.
Steak: You know there is a song that comes to mind, but since you are sounding spiritual
I doubt you will relate.
Me: Is it, ‘want you’ by Pit-bull?
Steak: (Dances around for a minute, while singing; I know you want me)
Wait! How do you know that song??
Ooh you are such a sinner!
Me: Tiga wana.
Me: That’s a gospel song and you can’t say shit about it.
Steak: Ummh, u said shit, isn’t that like a sin?
Me: For a piece of steak, you talk too much.