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What’s your favourite part of the church service that you attend? Is it the ushering in, the middle or the sermon bit? My best bit I have to admit is the end, for obvious reason; I can’t survive too long without a dip into the murky waters of social media Hehe. But mostly it’s the benediction. The part where the minister lifts his hand over the congregation and in invocation says

‘May the Lord watch over you and keep you, may he look at you with favour as you go and come and may his peace that surpasses all human understanding be with you this day and for ever more. Amen’.

Between you and me this mostly why I try to go to church (pious grin). That to me sounds like a generous portion of insulating gel slapped all over me.  The gel that gives one the buoyancy to walk with a spring on their step, a sparkle in their eye and a smile that says I got authority to trample the scorpions and serpents of the earth.

The viscosity of this gel has been put to test in the past and luckily it survived as you shall soon find out. Do you know what the fear of Lizards is called? Herpetophobia; that’s right, 13 letters that spell how a quiet evening can quickly go wrong. It’s the one that had a duo effect of making a grown woman shriek like a damsel while causing reason and dignity to take for the hills leaving doltish tendencies in charge.

A couple of weeks past my roomies and i were chilling one cold evening, when it of the cold-blooded species wandered into our abode seeking warmth and company. Surely it must be cold for those who harbour no warm thoughts! Thus it threw its cold wobbly neck under the door saw heaven in a distant and probably turned around at the hurling wind, uttered some curse obscenities, then like a boss crawled in with its killer undulate.  And wham! Just like that a crack appeared in our tranquil wall and soon after, it all came down faster than we could Google ‘how to kill a Lizard’.  The Lizard, like Lion king swayed in sweeping us a lingering look that definitely wasn’t a polite way of seeking admission.

Right on cue, my litigator roomie on meeting Rango impersonate flew from her slump on the couch to the closest window grill and perched, as I and msaani burst out in laughter. (Msaani is roomie number two). Being the eldest I reached for the mop and began to shoo Rango out, it must have gotten mixed signals for he made a dash for the mop as I intuitively made for the nearest arm rest mortified in fear. Msaani just roared in laughter, apparently she is the bad ass amongst us three. Lucky for us Nyumba Kumi initiative isn’t just a whisper in the wind it does actually work, so neighbours came in and helped us exterminate Sheriff Rango impersonate.

The worst bit is not having that lizard parade its self into our abode, like it pays our maintenance but the stares and the toothy grins we have to bear from our neighbours. That smile that almost wonders ‘Lizard really? And that little chuckle in their throat when they say hello. Now we walk with our heads firmly cast to the ground praying another neighbour unleashes a bout of crazy so our little incident is quickly forgotten.

Anyway.

Last Sunday we took home a gem I thought is best passed along. You know, from Sumeria to the ends of the earth. Did you know Leviticus is called Kitabu cha mambo ya walawi in Swahili? Leviticus 26; 1-12.  It’s 12 verses of the sweet and endearing promises of the Lord to the Israelites if they obeyed them. The Lord promised that he would watch over them, bless their land and bring rain on time so that in the harvest time they still eat last season’s harvest. That he would protect them from beasts of the wild and attacks from their enemies. If ever the Israelites were under attack, five of them would chase after a hundred of the enemy and a hundred of the Israelites would chase a ten thousand of the enemy. That the Lord Promised to look at the Israelites in favour, increase their numbers  and not abhor them for he is the Lord who took them for Egypt so that they may walk with their heads held up high. No pick up line can ever top that I bet.  All the sweet some things (as opposed to the sweet nothings) things a nation wants to hear from its creator.

Next up we imbibed in from 2 Peter from verses 5 and forth. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure; they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is near-sighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

Truthfully, don’t you feel a little bit smeared with that goodness gel?

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